gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
