So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
