my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize