I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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