please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
