id be glad to
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
