You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
not ubering you a puppy
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
