he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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