I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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