I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
