What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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