Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
