Can i not drive my cunt home
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
