the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
