At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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