Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
