Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
