Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
