Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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