The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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