She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I have fence marks all over my body
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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