Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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