Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
