i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
