Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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