this beer tastes like vomit already
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
