this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize