All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
