Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
