I hate your face
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize