But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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