so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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