You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Drunk is a universal language darling
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
