you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
