last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
