All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize