I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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