So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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