last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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