hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize