so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he shaved USA in his pubs
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
