You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
