I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
