You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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