Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
