I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
