You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
