I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
