he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Text me some of your sweat
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