chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize