he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
