I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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