i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
