i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
