Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize