I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
