Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
