You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
