I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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