the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
