lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
