You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
