community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
