Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize