put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
