The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My penis needs a shock collar
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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