Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
