you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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