Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
