i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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