I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
