I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
