I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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