the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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