So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
