Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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