woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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