are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
