I just pynch a tree in the face
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
