some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
