I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
