i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
