He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
