I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
