whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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