Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize