I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
