I want to walk on stilts...naked
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
