please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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