Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
