My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
