i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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