Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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