You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize